Blurbs, and Reviews

“Catherine shares the heartbreaking story of her life in a way that makes this book difficult to put down. I finished it at 2:00 this morning and felt I was almost a life-time friend of Catherine and her siblings. She does a wonderful job of portraying the personalities of each family member. She describes her struggles so well that the reader finds herself pulling for her and cheering her on through seeming insurmountable odds.

Catherine’s childhood home was dysfunctional, with a bi-polar father and alcoholic mother. That would have been enough to cause issues with the children, such as PTSD. Unfortunately her father also sexually abused her, a fact that Catherine only came to terms with when she was older and began having flashbacks. Hypnotherapy confirmed her memories and her younger brother’s eyewitness account gave additional validation. As Catherine pieced her past together, the problems she had been having in every area of her life began to make sense. Her childhood sweetheart/husband also struggled to understand Catherine’s troubles and went through therapy with her to help her unlock the chains that kept her from living a happy life.

Throughout Catherine’s life her faith, courage and strength are awe-inspiring to read about. The fact that she entered the healing profession is proof of her grace and compassion for others. Amazingly when her parents became aged and infirmed she took part in the process of making sure they were cared for.

Catherine’s story touched a personal note because of an aunt/uncle in my own family who seem identical to her parents. Having seen the havoc they created in so many lives enabled me to feel much empathy for Catherine and her siblings.

I recommend Catherine’s book to all who suffer from any childhood trauma. Those who have suffered sexual abuse may find the book triggering, but I feel that Catherine wrote the accounts of her abuse with finesse and sensitivity. I think any person struggling with childhood abuse would find this book encouraging and touching, a true tribute to the perseverance of the human spirit’s will to survive and flourish.

Thank you, Catherine, for sharing your story.”

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“Some books take forever to be written not because of procrastination or lack of materials, but because of a "block" that actually defines the authors' existence. Yet, sooner or later, these books have to come out of the depths of that traumatic experience which has blotted the sense of being for their writers over many years. Incest and child sexual abuse, unlike the style of Nabokov's Humbert Humbert, seem to be at the heart of a significant number of life writings today.

In the past ten -- fifteen years I have been struck by the proliferation of memoirs of incest and sexual abuse by writers from various walks of life. One does not have to look so far back as to Freud's encounter with Dora any more; a quick check of the appropriate shelves in the bookshops will confirm the view that more and more people, celebrities included, feel the need -- and I hope (rather naively, for sure) -- the sincere need to write about it all. And the reading audience for such memoirs? Oh, it is so complicated to discuss here why we read, why one reads this kind of writing? For example, an article in the April 9, 2007 issue of the Times by Carol Sarler starkly entitled "This Sick Trade in Childhood Memoirs Is an Abuse, Too" argues that "there is something unsettling about the relish with which sexual abuse is turned into sheer entertainment and then enjoyed as such." While I do not accept Sarler's radical view, I need to preface in a way the review of Catherine McCall's When the Piano Stops, a Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse.

It is quite obvious that even among such memoirs the inevitable "quality of writing" issue differentiates the good ones from the bad ones. The bad ones read like sensational bits airing the family's dirty little secrets, while the good ones emphasize the healing experience rather than the actual abuse. One thing is for sure, though: there cannot be a healing proper if the writer does not lift the barriers that the mind has erected on the traumatic experience through the utmost exercise of language and, also, if the reader is too squeamish in reading such language. As the good texts show, the lifting of barriers has been already in place for a significant time, a working-through achieved with the help of psychoanalysts.

With this in mind, Catherine McCall's When the Piano Stops is an extremely sincere account of the author's sexual abuse by her father and her mother's alcoholism and compliance, honest to the point that at places it feels like a hit in the groin for a lack of better imagery. McCall, in her early sixties now, is a licensed marriage and family therapist working in Atlanta, Georgia. The vivid description of the failing family dynamics, the painful accounts of numerous acts of physical and psychological abuse, the relationship with her husband, all these make a rough ride of a reading, an experience far from being what is considered "enjoyable." I remembered myself having the same bitter taste while reading Louise Wisechild's The Obsidian Mirror (1998) and Kathryn Harrison's The Kiss (1997), as well as Sylvia Fraser's My Father's House (1989). Then one might ask in what ways is McCall's memoir different than these three mentioned? The answer for me is it is not different at the core, probably only in its sad variations. These good memoirs are written in earnest and they care for the reader in a special way: they do not simply phrase what has been buried for years to make an entertaining exposure of twisted families; quite on the contrary -- they read as a documented suffering, as a trauma finally dressed up in a language whose meaning we know how to share, even if we do not know how to accept.

I do not want to quote even a single passage from the memoir itself -- it will be a gruesome experience to excerpt from a text which has managed to embed so well the trauma and horror of sexual abuse. Yet the concluding words from the practical appendix provided by McCall at the end of her work seem to be extremely relevant here: "I implore you to become proactive. Help me to help my memoir become a call to arms -- loving arms, the only kind of arms that should ever touch a child. Take what you've read, what you've learned , what you've been emotionally moved by, and let it motivate you to contribute to the safety of children, the healing of sexual abuse survivors, and the restoration of virtue."

McCall's book When the Piano Stops is a memoir which demands from the readers a responsible engagement with the issues of incest and sexual abuse in the family. If it speaks emphatically to those who may have or may not have experienced such an abuse, it has achieved its aim. I am afraid those in search of cheap entertainment have to look at other shelves in the bookshops.

     ˜˜ Review by Rossitsa Terzieva-Artemis, Ph.D., Jan 31st 2010 (Volume 14, Issue 4), metapsychology online reviews

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“In this heartfelt memoir, Catherine McCall writes in clear and moving language about the devastation that her father wreaks upon her and her family—about childhood days that turn into frightening nights. Tentative at first, McCall’s compelling voice gains strength as she embarks upon the long journey of healing. What we ultimately hear when the piano stops is the sound of a woman’s voice grown powerful, lucid, forgiving, and true.”

     ˜˜ Sue William Silverman, author, Because I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You (Associated Writing Programs Award for Creative Nonfiction) and also Love Sick: One Woman's Journey through Sexual Addiction

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“Most of those few people who choose to share their painful, hurtful, or “shameful” history write a narration about that journey. It helps them stay once removed from the story, as if it happened to someone else and they are just talking about it. And that is understandable, indeed, it is the plain English definition of what traumatized people do to protect themselves from being overwhelmed by what happened to them. Experiences of war, accidents, disasters, illnesses, poverty, crimes, and other traumatic life events are most often dealt with in these ways. Especially so, those stories in which the trauma is personal, emotional, familial, sexual, or physical are dealt with in these ways. People tend to talk about those particular stories. They are very painful to be back in, to relive, to re-experience.

But the narration is not what moves people; not what allows people to change. It gives them information, but, like the person who is only relating their story, the reader hears it from the outside, the "meaning" is given to them; they are, in a way,” told how they should feel.” Moving people, opening people up, allowing people to change requires them to be in the story - that is, it requires a narrative, not a narration. A narrative functions in the same way as in the old oral tradition, in the ways of all native cultures, wherein the storyteller shares the journey and the listeners create their own meaning from participating in that story. They have their own experience; they learn their own lessons; they take in as much or as little as they can deal with. Just knowing about something is not the same as experiencing it.

Cathy is someone who has the courage to write the narrative - the story itself - about her journey. In a profound, poignant, and sometimes painful way, we, the reader, participate in her journey; we have our own experiences, we walk our own path. We take what we can use and leave the rest, just as we do in our real lives. We don't fall into the notion we can be told who we are, how we do or should feel, or what we should or should not learn. We are simply allowed to go on the journey with the author. Cathy invites us to accompany her on her journey; she shares the gift of herself, her pain, her fear, her shame, and her "not-knowing." She also shares her spiritual victory and her joy; what more could you ask of a writer?

Read it.”

     ˜˜ Patrick T. Malone, MD, author, Art of Intimacy and also Windows of Experience: The Art of Wholeness: Experiental Psychology and the Emergent Self

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“Catherine McCall tells her story of incestuous rape and abuse with remarkable grace and passion—and with the dispassionate eye of the professional therapist that she is. She also writes with the passionate soul of a contemplative who has wrestled with the wounding, destructive relationships and discovered the path toward healing. You will find here a memoir of exceptional courage, endurance, and faith.”

     ˜˜ Rev. Donald Cozzens, author, Faith That Dares To Speak and also Sacred Silence: Denial and the Crisis in the Church and others.

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“I just finished reading When the Piano Stops. What a powerful experience it was reading your memoir. I am touched by your ability to survive such horrific trauma, and your bravery in persisting through the healing process, as harrowing and difficult as that has been for you and your family. Such a family you have created for yourself in spite of the model you had for yourself. I am also awed by the fact that you and your husband have made it through the “worse” as well as the “better,” which many couples would have been unable to manage.

I hope this book reaches other survivors of sexual abuse as you have blazed a path toward healing which illuminates the pitfalls as well as the benefits of such personal growth. On the other hand, I hope this book reaches average readers who may not initially think that a book like this offers anything to them. The statistics you relate in the back of the book regarding the prevalence of sexual abuse within families, the astounding number of girls and boys who experience such abuse at the hands of fathers, brothers, extended family, or close friends and neighbors are sobering. ”

     ˜˜ Deb Dawson, Fargo, ND

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“When the Piano Stops is an amazing story, courageously told by the author about her horrific childhood and the healing process as an adult. The story flows easily and captures the reader. It is hard to put down. That she survived to write about it is a tribute to her strength of character and the enduring love and support of her family and especially her husband. There is a wealth of information for survivors included in the appendix. I highly recommend this not only for survivors but for those who love them and want a better understanding of the healing process.”

     ˜˜Mary Jean Price, Kings Park, NY

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“Reading When the Piano Stops: A Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse by Catherine McCall is like taking a walk, a very long walk down a road you have never been on before. On this road you will be exposed to both daring and humbling nuances of a child who experienced many kinds of abuses at the hands of her father and her mother.

The title When the Piano Stops has to do with McCall’s father, who played classical piano.

There are many reasons why this book is very important. One reason is because you won’t want to miss how McCall measures her development and ensures her survival by stepping out of her anxiety and in to the arms of both the therapeutic and clinical community combined with the theological world of faith, hope and charity, in order to regain her composure. In this effort McCall manages to let a once fragmented and torn apart self achieve wholeness.

Another reason is because McCall gives new meaning to the word “daughter“ and makes great use of her faith in this work. But more importantly she also shares her pain and revelations with us through the demonstration of her trust in a “sisterhood” through the friendships she develops with many women. The first one is with her grandmother. McCall’s portrayal of their love for one another is so vivid it is absolutely stunning. In addition, her long-time therapist, Mary Anne played a pivotal role in her healing.

And yet we must also appreciate that as a licensed Family and Marriage Therapist, McCall reveals intimate details of her marriage to Peter who was stalwart in his devotion to her and their family during many a crisis. Yet one needn’t confuse those strengths with perfection. McCall is not interested in painting prettier pictures of reality for us, not after what she has lived through. Her book is raw, as raw and as fresh as the graphic images of the story she needs to tell … so be prepared to enter the world of elder care, death, grief and redemption and by the time you reach the end of the road you will draw your own conclusions about Catherine, her family, and her faith but I can assure you that you will probably not see sexual abuse survivors in the quite the same way you had before you opened her book.

This work is a feminist work of art with a deeply moving Epilogue, Appendix, an extensive Bibliography, Acknowledgements and Group Discussion Questions.”

     ˜˜Kaolin, author of a forthcoming book from Crandall, Dostie & Douglass Books, Inc. titled Let's Talk About Race

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“Deep inside, too many of us have memories of terror, abuse and neglect as children. Catherine's book, gives voice to that pain with determination and hopefulness. This is a must-read account of survival and healing infused with humanity, dignity and grace. After reading and closing the book, you can't help but hear Catherine's lingering voice saying NO MORE.”

     ˜˜Linda Fredo, LMFT, Roswell, GA

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“When the Piano Stops, A Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse by Catherine McCall is a riveting and engrossing memoir about one woman's courage in recovering from the incest abuse perpetrated by her father. Catherine McCall takes you through her childhood as she struggles to make sense of the horror that is happening and eventually buries everything only to find it resurfacing many years later. I've read many first person accounts of incest survivors and have never found one that was so well written that I literally felt as if I were walking through Catherine's life alongside her. She consummately threads the spiritual side of her nature with not only the abuse but the healing that happens so many years later. Catherine describes all of the players in this memoir so vividly that I felt I knew them. I recommend this must read book for anyone going through incest recovery and for any advocates that need to understand what happens inside the heart, the mind and the soul of a survivor. ”

     ˜˜Marjorie McKinnon, Founder of The Lamplighters, www.TheLampLighters.org a movement for recovery from incest and child sexual abuse and Author of REPAIR Your Life: A Program for Recovery from Incest & Childhood Sexual Abuseand Repair for Kids: A Children's Program for Recovery from Incest and Childhood Sexual Abuse

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“When the Piano Stops is a compelling story of a young girl's strength and faith and later (as a daughter, mother and wife) of her courage and generosity in sharing her story with others in the hopes of helping victims to realize that they, too, can be survivors. Although it was sometimes difficult to read and imagine such horrific behavior between a father and his daughter, I have the highest respect for the the author's faith and determined spirit and admire and applaud her for caring enough about others to tell her difficult story.”

     ˜˜Geri Zilian, Portsmouth, RI

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“Catherine McCall's WHEN THE PIANO STOPS is an outstanding memoir of someone who has endured sexual abuse. But more significantly, through a long and difficult individual and marital therapy, bears witness to the possibilities of healing from such trauma. As a therapist, I will recommend this book to all of my patients who have either suffered from or have a family member who has suffered from such abuse. For those who are not in therapy, she provides an extensive selection of excellent resources in the appendix. I am also impressed by her attention to the reader's potential vulnerability from being exposed to the narration of her abuse. Obviously, this is the sensitivity of a gifted therapist showing itself! Finally,the book is so well written that I felt she was sharing her story with me across the kitchen table. I could not put it down!”

     ˜˜Sandy Halperin, LMFT, Auburn, AL

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“When the Piano Stops: A Memoir of Healing from Sexual AbuseThis book sensitively describes the tragedy of incest and the triumph of healing. She brings personal reality to an all too common secret. It is my sense, as a fellow professional, that this book will advance the understanding of these issues and will ultimately be the gift the author wishes to convey. It is a significant contribution of love and strength to her husband, her daughter, her sibling, and for generations to come. ”

     ˜˜Ann Carol Daniel, LMFT, Macon, GA

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“Catherine McCall has sent out a personal call-to-arms with her vivid, insightful and instructive memoir, WHEN THE PIANO STOPS. Memoirs typically focus on the story the author wants to tell. McCall has told her story of horrific sexual abuse and dogged journey to a hard-earned healing. She has also done something more through her epilogue. Here she has widened her story to include us all in her quest to enlist the reader to become proactive to "contribute to the safety of children, the healing of sexual abuse survivors, and the restoration of virtue." There is a list of research data, support organizations, therapy organizations, and recommended reading (memoir, recovery, spiritual and professional). As a licensed marriage and family therapist, McCall is well qualified to point us in the right direction through her bravely rendered book, WHEN THE PIANO STOPS.”

     ˜˜Rebecca Allard, Ft Worth, TX

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“Catherine McCall's book is a riveting story of her childhood in an educated, upper-middle class family riddled with alcoholism, mental illness, and sexual abuse, and of her long journey toward healing. As a psychologist, I have read many memoirs of life in difficult families. This one stands out for the following reasons: The writing is excellent; the narrative moves quickly and clearly; the book is impossible to put down. McCall sensitively gives voice to a young girl trying to make sense of crazy experiences, using what she can to survive and grow. The Appendix is excellent; McCall is sensitive to what may be evoked in various readers, and she provides detailed suggestions and contact information. The book describes a course of excellent long-term psychotherapy, a rarity in a culture that celebrates quick fixes and given that media presentaions of therapy often feature unhealthy boundary violations. Finally, this story about the harm that can be perpetrated in realtionsips is also a testimony to healing power of relationships- with God, in therapy, in marriage. I will recommend the book often to clients and friends.”

     ˜˜Amandah Turner, LMFT, Columbus, GA

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